Fortune Cookie

"It's amazing how much good you can do if you don't care who gets the credit"

The Weekend Update: Running on empty

I need another weekend to do my usual things like watch the next James Bond movie while drinking a pot of coffee, make Saturday hash browns, peruse ebay for new dress, watch a pointless Sunday made for TV movie, clip coupons, watch Grey Anatomy reruns, etc.


1. After work I went straight home and worked some more
2. Decided to put on some clothes and head over to the Doctor’s office for a benefit concert.
3. Watched a woman who could be considered a brick house and all her “seductive” dance moves. She was built like the lyrics she thought they were saying which happens to be not a lit a square, square face, square body, low blank tank top which I was very afraid her two saggy friends would knock over someone’s beer. Her dance moves included the hand on butt wiggle, the two-handed crotch and pivot grab, the grind on the speaker while showing off arm flab.
4. Went home and worked, woke up and worked some more.
5. Packed up the car and headed up to Appleton for a girls weekend.
6. Found out a few things about my friends, one is a huge, huge, huge rolling stones fan and started signing “I can’t get no satisfaction” but throughout the song she was replacing the real lyrics with tle off, but very off. We found out she does this for most songs. Another has a start-up pharmacy in her bathroom. The most sincere and nice friend has a mean edge when it comes to spoons. There wasn’t any blood but there could have been.
7. Had an overall good night and morning with my closest friends. They do something to the soul that roots your being and creates a bind of respect. Thank you ladies.
8. Headed back home to do more work
9. Headed over to a man-filled house where we drafted our fantasy football teams. Watch out boys! Who won last year – that’s right – I did!
10. Worked some more and finally crashed without watching Desperate Housewives.

8:15am pick-up line

While walking across the street from work, into walgreens I got thrown the line, "Hey sexy, where you going?" You were hoping I was going to drop getting my midol and play hooky to hang out with you? Would we frolic in the streets of downtown milwaukee and get a room at the Ho-Jo? I'll still have a killer cramp and an even bigger pms attitude but, hey you said I was sexy at 8:15 when I wanted to puke on your shoe.

Weekend Update: Change of Plans

As my entire weekend shifted around it ended up being very relaxing.

1. Went fishing on Silver Lake, which there was only one catchable fish.
2. Delighted in the bF cooking dinner for the second day in a row!
3. Hung out in the Children's section of the library
4. Filled my morning reading children's books at our backyard rummage sale.
5. Had a birthday dinner for Grandma's "special friend" in Oconomowoc.
6. She learned that you can now tip the waitress on the credit card slip rather than paying cash.
7. Picked up my gambling girlfriend and entered potowatomi for the first time ever.
8. After getting over my nervousness, I sat down at BlackJack table won and lost about $30 so I broke even.
9. Convinced my roomie that he should not bring his nasty chairs back up into the house and put them on the corner instead.
(You don't need 4 recliners in one room)
10. Went to bed with a cold mojito and an episode of House

Honey

Why does honey come in plastic bear containers rather than plastic bees?

I have a dress problem

I found out this weekend that I love dresses. Growing up I had to squeeze into the most ridiculous dresses for Sunday church. Sometimes I would have a matching dress with my sister, or even mom. Sometimes they had too many buttons or ties to undo so you could never make it to the bathroom without doing the potty dance. But after shopping at Marshal Fields and running my hand over all it's silky-ness, I found my home. There, in the middle of the forest of spring gowns, I fell in love with the most beautiful dress. Upon turning the price tag over I knew I had really good taste. I splurged, once, on a pair of Italian shoes. But spending over $200 on a dress that isn't white wasn't going to happen. Sooot I stumbled across my friend Ebay and what do you know he has my dress - he has lots of beautiful dresses. I have no idea what I would wear them all to but I love them in all their colors and lengths, and silkyness-es. Happy Bidding to me!

Nice and Mean People

I'm sitting at Panera Bread right now because they have wireless internet. There are a few outlets so usually when I come I sit in the back and put two small tables together. Just recently man a man that resembles an older fatter Nic Nolte carrying some sort of clear cleaner fluid and a dilapidated briefcase proceeded to move my smoothie across my setup and pulled the other table away! I can point out about 20 other spots in this place he could sit but what does he do? Take my table and put it together with another table on his left and points that the light had to be directly above him. Now he wants my table pushed farther to the wall! This dude doesn't understand that when I have to use my mouse my right elbow will scrape the wall. People are strange. He doesn't own the joint. Why should he be able to have two tables dedicated to poison fluid and bank deposit slips and I can't have two for my 15" laptop and smoothie! WHY!

On a lighter note, a woman at New York and Co. slid me a coupon for $30 off my purchase. There are good people here.

The Weekend Update: Going to the Chapel

Part I: Dad & Terri’s Wedding
1. The day started smoothly - got my nails done, hair-did, make up set. While lounging around eating my only breakfast/lunch banana strawberry yogurt drama in the bathroom erupted. No bobby pins. So I dropped my yogurt raced to Walmart ( hair up, make up done) screamed at the women in blue to point me to the bobby pin aisle. I made it round trip in 12 minutes.
2. Felt real pretty once getting my dress on.
3. Watched Dad and Terri get married outside on Pier Wisconsin, besides the man from the boat yelling "Don’t do it!" it was very nice.
4. Slammed 3 glasses of bubbly thus beginning the open-open-wide-open bar.
5. I now have a few prospects to enter in the reality show, "So you think you can dance?"
6. Was reassured that my bF was not only hot - but "fucking hot".
7. Did you know you don’t get a special prize after signing the marriage license as a witness?
8. The only danced I dance with a boy was my new younger brother. Well half of it because his friend called my friend loose and we had to depart immediately.
9. Went to Hi Hat - I miss the open bar.
10. Saturday morning: My whole body aches. Walking ½ mile to the knick for breakfast took me a half hour.


Part II: Fritz and Danielle’s Wedding
1. Recovered from Friday’s hangover exactly when fresh beer slid down the throat.
2. Found some old college classmates who thought I was married. HA!
3. It’s always a good time when Chris breaks out the couch dance. (This time it’s not a crappy couch in someone’s house but a lone couch with nothing but dance floor).
4. After the reception, proceed downtown to which we got lost and went into a gay bar.
5. So after everyone freaked out and left. I still had my beer and decided to make the most of it.
A. First, they play really great music.
B. Second, there are no guys to hit on me - which is a good thing
c. Third, at a gay bar girls will hit on you instead.
6. Found the bar we were supposed to be at which we took over the gigantic suffle-puck board.
7. Had an after-bar back in our hotel room.
A. Woke up more than enough people to join us.
b. My male friends are nuts and gay and I never want to see three grown men in a bath together again. Or two for that matter.
8. Woke up to a pretzel covered floor. Seriously.
9. Rounded up who ever was awake at noon to get some greasy breakfast.
10. It’s very strange to see two people whom I knew each before they met. Congrats!
Part:III: Recovery
Monday morning I was wedding out, sober and ready to do it all over again.