Corona and Sun: Adventures in Mexico

Greetings, I am back from Mexico and I know you are anxious to here about the shit in the sink and other fun stories.

Preface: Wednesday night was the second biggest drinking night of the year, behind New Year's Eve. So my sister now 21 and I back in West Bend went and hit up the bars downtown, her with her friends and me with mine. There were lines to get into the hick-est of bars and snow (snow! - I haven't seen snow before Thanksgiving in ages! ) So I had arranged to pick Danielle up from the bar on my way home. Hmmm no Danielle and the bar is empty - so I arrived home around 2:30 and set the alarm for 4.

Thursday
I woke up to my father and the light on saying I had five minuetes to get into the car. I ran around like a mad woman pushing the rest of my clothes into my bag and jumped into the freezing car. There I finally found Danielle happy as can be. I was glad I wasn't hungover but I still smelled like bar luckily Danielle was in the same boat - except for the hungover part (she was still drunk during the car ride to Chicago and doesn't remember it)

It must be a family trait because on my 21st birthday I went to Vegas and puked on the plane. Needless to say, Danielle not only matched that but twice over. Here she is happy in the sand. I tried getting her drunk but she just wouldn't drink fast enough!



We went to an All-Inclusive resort in Nuevo Vallarta - just north of Puerto Vallarta. That means not only free food, but drinks 24/7 at the various bars and swim up bars. Yes swim up bars.

Top ten drinks:
1. Sangria
2. Strawberry Daiquiri
3. Pina Colada
4. Long Island
5. The Tornado
7. Mai Tai
8. Corona
9. Sex on the Beach
10. Amaretto in coffee

The resort was fabulous and the weather was excellent. It was more American-ized than expected so I was itching to get out into real culture.


Friday
Danielle and I soaked up the sun and proceed from white to burned.

In the afternoon we took a taxi to Old Town in Puerto Vallarta. It was interesting seeing signs in Spanish as well as pickups carry 3 - 10 people. We walked around trying to find senor frogs but ended up going to a bar/club called HILO. A huge statue was portruding out from the building and it radiated red light. We sat on chairs upholstered with cow hydes next to the street where the little mexican would try to get me to buy one of his roses. We assumed the theme of the bar was a heaven/hell mix but upon translation of several waiters we figured it had to do with the history of thread. I'm still scratching my head at that one.

We headed back to the resort giddy and ready to eat at the Spanish/Italian restaurant. Upon receiving our first course it was decided that the waiter didn't know what we ordered and also seeing other people get served ahead of us I decided to head out to the drink bar and fill up on long islands. I have no idea what or why we all were laughing so hard but other table were looking and all we wanted was our food. Finally we got our food and became entralled with the flamming dessert at the other table. We had to have one.

After dinner we headed to the club sans Danielle. They played this 10 minuete long spanish dance song. It's similar to the marcarana where there are dance moves but it is not as repititious. My favorite is when the shirts come off. I told Terry it was her surprise bachellorette party. You will have to wait this pic till Dad figures out his digital camera. (no he did not take the pic - I did : ) So after much drinking and dancing we headed back. I swung by the outside bar and picked up a drink for 40 yard walk home.

So while sipping my drink and talking to Dad we hearded Terry run down the stairs screaming. She said there are turds in the sink! Turds in the sink. Then she filled us on some more information - they also have eyes! Yes turds with eyes are in her sink. Was this a Mexican prank? So we ran up to take a gander. Yup there they were turds with eyes and I wanted to see what would happen if I turned the water on. They moved! I was trying to figure out how these frog/mice/turd things crawled up into the sink. It just wasn't possible! Dad to the rescue removed the now deemed as "bats" outside. Bats Bats Bats were in the sink! Ewww - yes I have a pic of that one too.

Saturday
We headed to Las Calentas - a destination only one could get to by boat. It was fabricated so it looked like a resort but enough so it still had some culture. Bathrooms were in little huts and sinks were bowls. There were beautiful parrots and monkeys. Here Dad made a new friend. I just don't understand why he can bond with our dogs like that?



Here is me chillin in a hammock



Here is Dad and Terri who braved the cool waters to swim to the raft. I was told there were some beautiful fish and sting rays. Terri lost her sunglasses and Dad played Subca Steve - decked out in googles, a snorkel and fins. Really wish we could have captured that but some things are just so funny that you have to sit and laugh and try not to piss yourself.



Everyone in the group went on a nature hike and I wanted to do yoga. Yoga wasn't happening but Mr. John from Dallas was. A young lad approached me. I found out latter that my family was spying on me while high up in the mountain while I was chatting away. He and I took our own nature hike and ended up discovering hundreds of crabs. When we finally decided to turn around we say everyone was boarding the boat to go home. Ah! The mexicans were yelling at us in Spanish to get on the boat. Too bad he was too young for me to want to make an effort to his request to come party with him.

Dinner highlights: the waiter who meow-ed and convincing danielle that mexican steak was kangaroo.

We finally ALL went to the club. Dani and I have a blast dancing. Dad and Terry were even rolling out some moves. Then two guys approached Danielle and I and we danced and danced and danced. It was steamy. We decided to leave because you can be a good dancer and still be a dud. So she went to bed and I stayed up trying to watch this Mexican soap opera - until it turned into porn. Porn on basic cable - those mexicans must be happy!

Sunday

Last day! If you're a vegetarian on an airplane - you're going to go hungry. If you're a woman who has nice hair you're going to get your hairspray taken.

Who Shit in the Sink?

Writings and pictures from Mexico are on their way, but can you guess who shit in the sink?

Tofu and the great beyond

Day 21 without meat

I had my first experience with tofu tonight. Unlike men, I had low expecatations going in. But I think this relationship is going to work.

I think my roommate is using my toothbrush

I had to buy a new toothbrush because mine disappeared. One of my roommates leaves and sleeps at her boyfriend's place, taking her toothbrush with. One day last week I went to brush my teeth and saw two brushes that weren't mine. I went out a bought a new one, it's blue. My old one did return home but I sure wasn't going to use it. I was going to use it for cleaning the cracks in the shower, so I left it till I felt so inclinded to do so. If we do the math their should be a total of 4 toothbrushes. Two are mine and two, one for each of my roommates. So last night after the horrible Packer I went to clean my pretty teeth. How many toothbrushes? TWO! Two toothbrushes and both are mine, where did they go and why is my old one wet??? What's next, sharing underwear?

Just how retarded is retarded?

ALERT: EPA PROPOSES CHEMICAL AND PESTICIDE TESTING ON ORPHANS & MENTALLY HANDICAPPED CHILDREN
Public comments are now being accepted by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) on its newly proposed federal regulation regarding the testing of chemicals and pesticides on human subjects. Earlier this year, Congress had mandated the EPA create a rule that permanently bans chemical testing on pregnant women and children, but the EPA's newly proposed rule puts industry profits ahead of children's welfare. The rule allows for government and industry scientists to treat children as human guinea pigs in chemical experiments in the following situations:

1. Children who "cannot be reasonably consulted," such as those that are mentally handicapped or orphaned newborns may be tested on. With permission from the institution or guardian in charge of the individual, the child may be exposed to chemicals for the sake of research.
2. Parental consent forms are not necessary for testing on children who have been neglected or abused.
3. Chemical studies on any children outside of the U.S. are acceptable.

taken from: www.organicconsumers.org

Whoever thought of this is retarded or has been reading too many comic books. If you dump pesticide all over your offspring chances are they'll get really pissed at you later in life. Your soul will rot in hell and your child will not be the next spiderman.

Weekend Update

Instead of going to my regular hangouts here's what I did instead.



1. Looked stylish in some bowling shoes at the Landmark
2. Sipped cosmos with some fine gentlemen at Hotel Metro, hey Sara did you call that guy yet?
3. Bounced around in a sea of napkins, sang songs and broke glasses at Lucilles.
4. Figured out it's perfectly normal that an estimated bar hopping travel time in Appleton is between 10-30 minutes.
5. Regulars in Appleton like to buy a round of shots that they thought of themselves. Apple Pucker shouldn't be allowed in bars, only in a 5 mile radius around a University
6. Received wine not from a normal bottle but the little airplane ones, talk about quality
7. Hit the dance floor with the only other single girl in our 30+ group and was able to dance with anyone and everyone
8. Involuntary task of become the relationship therapist for my drunk friends who are in a love triangle
9. Had a good hearty conversation about porn
10. Proved strong and didn't eat the meat slices of our 3 foot by 3 foot pizza.

Day Seven

I"ve been waiting seven days to post this. It seems one week or one month or one year seem to mean something more than 5 days, 5 months, 5 hours, etc...
Well I'm happy to announce a major life decision. That is the choice not to eat meat. Sorry Grandma - no turkey for me for thanksgiving, cow tongue for christmas (gross) or fishes (for now) from up north. I finally got disgusted after waiting for deli meat. I wanted to puke right there but I didn't because I've been eating it for 23 years. Then a week ago I got a book about living lightly on the earth and that just pushed me to give up meat right there ( After I finished my tuna salad sandwich - a girl can have her last meat meal! ). So it's been one week. Today at the Michigan Diner with Jeff was my first experience dining with a meat covered menu. It should be an interesting challenge. I will miss certain food but in the end I feel my soul will be better for not eating something with a brain, what we receive from the land will be some much more fruitful and my body will be in slammin shape. ( As if it isn't already )

Can of Dreams

So I woke up this morning very confused. I had a dream that in the dream I could decide between two things and I picked the thing that was worse. Now why did I did that? Did I do it because I knew it was a dream and I could indulge without hurting anyone? Or did I do it because my subconscious is saying something to me?

Suspicious eyes

When you know someone is doing something they shouldn't, what do you do?

Gone Fishin'

I took the day off work and decided what better to do than go fishing with my friend Brian. We caught some bass, walleye and cropee. I hadn't seriously fished since the days of my snoopy fishing rod but I had heaps of fun. Don't worry we threw all the fish back (alive).

Hitchhiking

Finally saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and loved it. I had no idea what it was about. There's been this guy that's been trying to get me into for years and I thought it was some Star Trek geek thing. I was pleasantly surprised and now and can't decide who I have a bigger crush on Mos Def or Marvin.

In the game of Life

Growing up I was raised on Chinese checkers, connect four, candy land, monopoly and of course dominoes, nothing that would determine your profession, salary or family size. My little cousins got me to play the game of Life.

My first choice was to go to college or chose a career. Everyone else was going to college so I followed. I got to chose 1 or 3 professions (travel agent) and salary (90,000). Then I learned that salaries could be traded as well as careers.

Then I found out I had to get married and put a little blue guy in my passenger seat on my red station wagon. I have no idea who this guy is. Why is my salary supporting both of us riding around the life board. I should be able to pick a card for him and if says doctor I could trade seats and be along for the ride. No, not the case. I can't even kick his ass to the curb if he is a starving artist. What gives?

And now I have I have to have babies with this stranger. Just my luck, I have a boy and a girl. I don't even have time to pick their names but the major up side is no breast feeding. (like I have time to while driving).

Previously I had to pick a home. I'm camping out in a trailer. At least it's cheap because god knows my hubby isn't chipping in. Then I land on buy a cabin. I can't even trade in the crummy trailer or leave my family in the trailer and run. No I continue on. I am the first to finish and I'm already a grandparent by now and my kids still haven't left the car. They must have got the genes from my hubby to sit around and mooch of mom. Where's the education? When do they support me? Well I'm walking into the milliondollar estate and making a martini. I came in second place after my cousin that became the celebrity and her car was empty, no kids. I refused to play a second time. Thank god I never played that while being a kid because I would have some really large expectations to fulfill.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time I found a little creature up in the rafters of my grandparent's patio umbrella. First, I screamed like a little school girl. Then I thought, hmmm, he is rather cute.


I wasn't having good luck with men that week so I took him down and gave him a kiss in hopes of him turning into a prince.


He just stayed their on the stick and finally jumped away. So the moral of the story is never let little girls read or watch Disney inflicted media. It will be a harsh reality when they figure out men are evil bastards, they are fat, lazy and all they want to do is drink beer and have sex. Of course the dumbass isn't going to turn into a prince he has smoked too much pot and dealt with enough crazy girls to even want to give you a chance. I'm signing up to be a Asian bride. Shoot I can't even do that. Rats.

How long is too long?

How long is too long to leave food with mold on in the fridge? Not food, but molding food? I ask because my roommates leave leftovers in the fridge for over a week, and obviously longer since it now has mold specimens on it. Now it takes a bit of time for mold to show itself. I'm curious as to would my roomies eat the food that has been in there between the stages of 5 days to pre-mold. Do they not know that they had Chinese two weeks ago? Are they waiting for a late night craving to finish it off? Just throw the food away! Now there is an abundance of molding leftovers so obviously they don't know who's is who's because there is so much nasty shit in blue and purple tupperware containers. Seriously clean it out man, go to the grocery store, keep it real, keep it healthy. The only green substance allowed in this fridge, vegetables (brocollii, asparugus, green peppers, etc.) mint leaves, lime juice, and green apples. (Mint ice cream goes in the freezer) No green frosty cake, no green beer, no green milk even though one may want it for St. Patty's day. No, it's not natural man. Food colored food is whack and I won't be having any of that. My goal this week is to teach them about mold. Next week is show them the trash dumpster outside our building. Until then keep it clean folks.

Bringing back the list

I did what?

1. Wondered where my money went
2. Told the waitress I spilled my drink because I was doing the robot (note: I was sitting not standing)
3. Woke up wondering why my bed was moved to the other side of the room, thought I was very ambitious, then I realized I wasn't in my Milw. apartment.
4. Played dominoes at a bar (double twelves for those who are curious)
5. Was the bigger person and went to say hello to the girls who spread rumors about me in high school
6. Said helloooo to Kevin Garnett. at the bucks game. 12 rows up. he was making a basket
7. Had a conversation about body hair (see below)
8. Went to a brewery tour and didn't really do the tour part
9. Had to leave the bar because I am freaked out by someone who dresses up as a hot dog
10. Yelled at the tv, punched the couch, kicked the wall and became a mute around 3:15 Sunday. I hate the Vikings.

Carpet Samples

So I was sitting at the bar drinking my vodka lemonade when the guy sitting next to me randomly explains that he is a carpet from his neck down ....Isn't that yummy?.... Yeah, Can I take you home throw you on the floor and roll around on you? Yeah if you were a carpet, not a wolf man. He even did some show and tell, showing me his arms and explaining that this was the least amount of hair he had. Listen, if I can braid your arm hair chances are, first, I'm drunk and second, I'm going to bust to the nearest pool and screw the first swimmer I see. Yes please do not tell me about your hair problem, it's not a turn on. I don't want to feed you bananas and clean up your shit. Please, men, invest in some razors, wax treatement, tweezers, nose hair trimmers, and heaps of porn.

Danielle

Here is a pic of me and my sister when we went to the kite show, I'm on the left, she's on the right.

The very first memory I have of my sister is stepping on her chest. Why? Because she asked me to, swear on my new pair of shoes. Now, whether I might have plunked in her mind that stepping on her might be a good idea well that is certainly a possiblity. This also means she was old enough to talk, so.... hmm.... yeah I guess she really didn't exist till age 2 or whenever one starts talking. I also convinced her that she was adopted. Fairly recently we couldn't find her birth certificate and I did the "I told you so" there was silence on the other end. No my sister is finally cool. After years her spilling my milk, making me get grounded, ruining my parties, being spolied, etc... she finally grew up and so did I. So boys, be good to her. Love ya sis. Man I'm getting soft.

Feeling Five

Can't wait to go to work tommorrow. Last week I designed my second favorite print piece, ate playdough, measured the heights of my coworkers (pencil line with name and month)- blew bubbles and rode my bike with a yellow balloon. Its a wonder I'm still there. Eh I love it.

Surviving Luxury

How much money do you think you need to live on for exactly one year?

The Lazy Dater

Someone who we will call "Brian" said I was a lazy dater.

He referred to it meaning that I date people that by location are close to me, across the street, in a classroom, and upstairs. If we chose our mates that are relatively close in distance does that make us lazy or was it a coincidence? My feelings of a lazy dater immediately refer to a good friend back home who's philosophy for dating girls is "let them come to me while I sit here." So when my friend referred to me as a lazy dater I automatically thought that he meant that I put minimal effort into a relationship and was then offended. So thinking about it - is it too convenient when our location brings us closer to our mates? Does it add or take away any emotions and what kind of emotions?