Corona and Sun: Adventures in Mexico

Greetings, I am back from Mexico and I know you are anxious to here about the shit in the sink and other fun stories.

Preface: Wednesday night was the second biggest drinking night of the year, behind New Year's Eve. So my sister now 21 and I back in West Bend went and hit up the bars downtown, her with her friends and me with mine. There were lines to get into the hick-est of bars and snow (snow! - I haven't seen snow before Thanksgiving in ages! ) So I had arranged to pick Danielle up from the bar on my way home. Hmmm no Danielle and the bar is empty - so I arrived home around 2:30 and set the alarm for 4.

Thursday
I woke up to my father and the light on saying I had five minuetes to get into the car. I ran around like a mad woman pushing the rest of my clothes into my bag and jumped into the freezing car. There I finally found Danielle happy as can be. I was glad I wasn't hungover but I still smelled like bar luckily Danielle was in the same boat - except for the hungover part (she was still drunk during the car ride to Chicago and doesn't remember it)

It must be a family trait because on my 21st birthday I went to Vegas and puked on the plane. Needless to say, Danielle not only matched that but twice over. Here she is happy in the sand. I tried getting her drunk but she just wouldn't drink fast enough!



We went to an All-Inclusive resort in Nuevo Vallarta - just north of Puerto Vallarta. That means not only free food, but drinks 24/7 at the various bars and swim up bars. Yes swim up bars.

Top ten drinks:
1. Sangria
2. Strawberry Daiquiri
3. Pina Colada
4. Long Island
5. The Tornado
7. Mai Tai
8. Corona
9. Sex on the Beach
10. Amaretto in coffee

The resort was fabulous and the weather was excellent. It was more American-ized than expected so I was itching to get out into real culture.


Friday
Danielle and I soaked up the sun and proceed from white to burned.

In the afternoon we took a taxi to Old Town in Puerto Vallarta. It was interesting seeing signs in Spanish as well as pickups carry 3 - 10 people. We walked around trying to find senor frogs but ended up going to a bar/club called HILO. A huge statue was portruding out from the building and it radiated red light. We sat on chairs upholstered with cow hydes next to the street where the little mexican would try to get me to buy one of his roses. We assumed the theme of the bar was a heaven/hell mix but upon translation of several waiters we figured it had to do with the history of thread. I'm still scratching my head at that one.

We headed back to the resort giddy and ready to eat at the Spanish/Italian restaurant. Upon receiving our first course it was decided that the waiter didn't know what we ordered and also seeing other people get served ahead of us I decided to head out to the drink bar and fill up on long islands. I have no idea what or why we all were laughing so hard but other table were looking and all we wanted was our food. Finally we got our food and became entralled with the flamming dessert at the other table. We had to have one.

After dinner we headed to the club sans Danielle. They played this 10 minuete long spanish dance song. It's similar to the marcarana where there are dance moves but it is not as repititious. My favorite is when the shirts come off. I told Terry it was her surprise bachellorette party. You will have to wait this pic till Dad figures out his digital camera. (no he did not take the pic - I did : ) So after much drinking and dancing we headed back. I swung by the outside bar and picked up a drink for 40 yard walk home.

So while sipping my drink and talking to Dad we hearded Terry run down the stairs screaming. She said there are turds in the sink! Turds in the sink. Then she filled us on some more information - they also have eyes! Yes turds with eyes are in her sink. Was this a Mexican prank? So we ran up to take a gander. Yup there they were turds with eyes and I wanted to see what would happen if I turned the water on. They moved! I was trying to figure out how these frog/mice/turd things crawled up into the sink. It just wasn't possible! Dad to the rescue removed the now deemed as "bats" outside. Bats Bats Bats were in the sink! Ewww - yes I have a pic of that one too.

Saturday
We headed to Las Calentas - a destination only one could get to by boat. It was fabricated so it looked like a resort but enough so it still had some culture. Bathrooms were in little huts and sinks were bowls. There were beautiful parrots and monkeys. Here Dad made a new friend. I just don't understand why he can bond with our dogs like that?



Here is me chillin in a hammock



Here is Dad and Terri who braved the cool waters to swim to the raft. I was told there were some beautiful fish and sting rays. Terri lost her sunglasses and Dad played Subca Steve - decked out in googles, a snorkel and fins. Really wish we could have captured that but some things are just so funny that you have to sit and laugh and try not to piss yourself.



Everyone in the group went on a nature hike and I wanted to do yoga. Yoga wasn't happening but Mr. John from Dallas was. A young lad approached me. I found out latter that my family was spying on me while high up in the mountain while I was chatting away. He and I took our own nature hike and ended up discovering hundreds of crabs. When we finally decided to turn around we say everyone was boarding the boat to go home. Ah! The mexicans were yelling at us in Spanish to get on the boat. Too bad he was too young for me to want to make an effort to his request to come party with him.

Dinner highlights: the waiter who meow-ed and convincing danielle that mexican steak was kangaroo.

We finally ALL went to the club. Dani and I have a blast dancing. Dad and Terry were even rolling out some moves. Then two guys approached Danielle and I and we danced and danced and danced. It was steamy. We decided to leave because you can be a good dancer and still be a dud. So she went to bed and I stayed up trying to watch this Mexican soap opera - until it turned into porn. Porn on basic cable - those mexicans must be happy!

Sunday

Last day! If you're a vegetarian on an airplane - you're going to go hungry. If you're a woman who has nice hair you're going to get your hairspray taken.

Who Shit in the Sink?

Writings and pictures from Mexico are on their way, but can you guess who shit in the sink?

Tofu and the great beyond

Day 21 without meat

I had my first experience with tofu tonight. Unlike men, I had low expecatations going in. But I think this relationship is going to work.

I think my roommate is using my toothbrush

I had to buy a new toothbrush because mine disappeared. One of my roommates leaves and sleeps at her boyfriend's place, taking her toothbrush with. One day last week I went to brush my teeth and saw two brushes that weren't mine. I went out a bought a new one, it's blue. My old one did return home but I sure wasn't going to use it. I was going to use it for cleaning the cracks in the shower, so I left it till I felt so inclinded to do so. If we do the math their should be a total of 4 toothbrushes. Two are mine and two, one for each of my roommates. So last night after the horrible Packer I went to clean my pretty teeth. How many toothbrushes? TWO! Two toothbrushes and both are mine, where did they go and why is my old one wet??? What's next, sharing underwear?

Just how retarded is retarded?

ALERT: EPA PROPOSES CHEMICAL AND PESTICIDE TESTING ON ORPHANS & MENTALLY HANDICAPPED CHILDREN
Public comments are now being accepted by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) on its newly proposed federal regulation regarding the testing of chemicals and pesticides on human subjects. Earlier this year, Congress had mandated the EPA create a rule that permanently bans chemical testing on pregnant women and children, but the EPA's newly proposed rule puts industry profits ahead of children's welfare. The rule allows for government and industry scientists to treat children as human guinea pigs in chemical experiments in the following situations:

1. Children who "cannot be reasonably consulted," such as those that are mentally handicapped or orphaned newborns may be tested on. With permission from the institution or guardian in charge of the individual, the child may be exposed to chemicals for the sake of research.
2. Parental consent forms are not necessary for testing on children who have been neglected or abused.
3. Chemical studies on any children outside of the U.S. are acceptable.

taken from: www.organicconsumers.org

Whoever thought of this is retarded or has been reading too many comic books. If you dump pesticide all over your offspring chances are they'll get really pissed at you later in life. Your soul will rot in hell and your child will not be the next spiderman.

Weekend Update

Instead of going to my regular hangouts here's what I did instead.



1. Looked stylish in some bowling shoes at the Landmark
2. Sipped cosmos with some fine gentlemen at Hotel Metro, hey Sara did you call that guy yet?
3. Bounced around in a sea of napkins, sang songs and broke glasses at Lucilles.
4. Figured out it's perfectly normal that an estimated bar hopping travel time in Appleton is between 10-30 minutes.
5. Regulars in Appleton like to buy a round of shots that they thought of themselves. Apple Pucker shouldn't be allowed in bars, only in a 5 mile radius around a University
6. Received wine not from a normal bottle but the little airplane ones, talk about quality
7. Hit the dance floor with the only other single girl in our 30+ group and was able to dance with anyone and everyone
8. Involuntary task of become the relationship therapist for my drunk friends who are in a love triangle
9. Had a good hearty conversation about porn
10. Proved strong and didn't eat the meat slices of our 3 foot by 3 foot pizza.

Day Seven

I"ve been waiting seven days to post this. It seems one week or one month or one year seem to mean something more than 5 days, 5 months, 5 hours, etc...
Well I'm happy to announce a major life decision. That is the choice not to eat meat. Sorry Grandma - no turkey for me for thanksgiving, cow tongue for christmas (gross) or fishes (for now) from up north. I finally got disgusted after waiting for deli meat. I wanted to puke right there but I didn't because I've been eating it for 23 years. Then a week ago I got a book about living lightly on the earth and that just pushed me to give up meat right there ( After I finished my tuna salad sandwich - a girl can have her last meat meal! ). So it's been one week. Today at the Michigan Diner with Jeff was my first experience dining with a meat covered menu. It should be an interesting challenge. I will miss certain food but in the end I feel my soul will be better for not eating something with a brain, what we receive from the land will be some much more fruitful and my body will be in slammin shape. ( As if it isn't already )

Can of Dreams

So I woke up this morning very confused. I had a dream that in the dream I could decide between two things and I picked the thing that was worse. Now why did I did that? Did I do it because I knew it was a dream and I could indulge without hurting anyone? Or did I do it because my subconscious is saying something to me?

Suspicious eyes

When you know someone is doing something they shouldn't, what do you do?

Gone Fishin'

I took the day off work and decided what better to do than go fishing with my friend Brian. We caught some bass, walleye and cropee. I hadn't seriously fished since the days of my snoopy fishing rod but I had heaps of fun. Don't worry we threw all the fish back (alive).