A sweet and sad moment

Mike and I brought our large families and friends together this past Saturday for a pre-wedding picnic before we run off to wed in Mexico. We both had a great time and hope everyone else enjoyed it as well. After we cleaned up we sat at the kitchen table in front of a stack of envelopes that our guests had given us.

With white wine in hand, I gave Mike the honors of opening them. Out of about 50 cards, he selects the first one and says "Well this is a cute card, look."  I look, my eyes big with amazement point, "That's my mom." Mike is clearly confused but clearly see what is happening as my eyes fill up with tears. A long time ago I had seen a similar childhood photo of my mom and her friends. I opened it to read a nice note from my mom's two dear friends who explain that they used to take turns playing wedding dress up and that mom would have been very proud of me.

I have to admit, my mom friends haven't kept in touch or played a big role in my or my sister's lives. But by talking to them on Sunday it was clear there was a connection, a calm and secure one.

I'm amazed that out of all the cards lying on the table, Mike selected that one first. It was like Mom was trying to say she was there with me.

Mom is at the top right.

The Wedding Industry - Part 3

There are a few other things that irk me about the wedding industry – it just seems as if it has ballooned over time with tv shows searching for dresses, praising bridezillas and budgetless brides. The US media celebrates selfishness and greed, but spins it so you want to watch it. You’re tied to the tv because you want to see if the bride will blow her budget on the cake-topper dress of her dreams or how out of control they will push their family and friends to make one day perfect for them but horrendous for everyone else.

We live in 2010. Woman are expected to be independent. The glass ceiling concept has been pushed to the background… so why are highly independent working brides putting together gift registries? My perspective is that it’s a concept from the early have of the 1900’s when young brides getting married were thrown a party to get a collection of items that will set the couple as they move out of their parent’s houses and in together. But what about today’s woman?

It’s no secret I have a problem with the term “bridal shower”. Ultimately it becomes less of a send off into marriage than watching the future 20-to- 30-something open 20-30 of her friends and families handouts. Tear up the gift registry and let the people closest to you give something meaningful. You might find more joy in the gift you never expected than one you’ve been lusting over.

Turn the industry around - be thoughtful and meaningful, splurge on love. 

The Wedding Industry - Part 2

continued from Part 1
Save the dates. What save the dates? Party favors. What party favors? You don't sweat the small stuff. You forget to wear something borrowed, something blue …
We almost did save the dates - but felt that sending out our destination wedding invite early would be enough.


You'd rather go for a hike than have a bachelorette party. Sure, your friends who don't like to hike will want to kill you for making them exercise—and you may never hear the end of it if they disagree with your interpretation of an "easy" hike—but if they're your friends, they'll still love you. And that sip of wine at the top of the trail will never taste so good.
Amen! How about a 20 mile bike ride with a brunch rest stop?


You opt for nontraditional wedding invitations. Whether you and your fiancée design them yourselves or your best friend and brilliant graphic designer offers to do the legwork, you want the invitations to reflect you as an individual couple, not an ideal that others aspire to.
Graphic designer in the house! Our luggage tag invites fit perfectly with our destination wedding.


You don't own anything resembling a wedding planner. You don't have any how-to guides or planners... Any bridal magazines on your bookshelf were given to you by your mother during the aforementioned period of trying to convince you to have a wedding, and any planning is done on an as-needed basis.
I've got a folder with stamps, addresses and reviews of the hotel.

You only need a few months to get your act together. Short engagements certainly aren't for everyone, but you can see that needing nine months to a year to plan a wedding is a myth. In fact, aside from writing sincere thank-you notes, the anti-bride probably sees that most of the dos and don'ts of wedding planning are myths. In the end, as long as you and the groom are planning to show up, the anti-bride knows that everything will work out just fine.
We had a long engagement because we wanted to enjoy it. We didn't even start thinking about a wedding until six months after. Who wants to jump into a whirlwind of chaos as soon as bit of bling descends on their finger? A lot of people have asked how the planning is going, and actually is fairly easy because there's not a lot to do. Will do it the week before at the resort - easy peasy!

The Wedding Industry - Part 1

Since my teens, I knew I wasn't the normal girly-girl. I wore jeans a size too big, loved football, wouldn't let anyone talk to me during a Brewer game unless it was about baseball and I didn't know your belt should match your shoes until my sophomore year of college. So when it came time to plan my wedding it's no surprise I held back.

At no disrespect to my friends I didn't want to go through the details they went through. And after a couple bridal showers I began to feel a little guilty that I wasn't as excited as perhaps I should be. So I started researching because my emotions for the pre-wedding activities didn't reach my happiness for the couple as when they committed to each other. And then I came across this article written by Jessica Murphy from Seattle:

Below are segments from her article,
You Know You're an Anti-Bride If …
- - -
"You need to be convinced to have a wedding. Eloping doesn't seem like a bad option. The idea that all of the work involved in planning the event can disappear with one short trip to Vegas is tantalizing—right up until the moment you walk down the aisle."

So true and exactly why we opted for a destination
 

Bridal boutiques give you the creeps. You're not enamored with the whole process of finding a wedding dress, and Vera Wang price tags seem downright absurd. ..You opt for buying something off the rack, online shopping, eBay, or one of the more reasonably priced chains.

I have to admit I had a blast trying on a million dresses. But I also have a bit of an obsession with dresses. I did buy a dress for under $200 and now have a bought a vintage dress online for under $150.

You don't believe that the wedding is "all about the bride." It's amazing how often a bride-to-be will hear this phrase. However, the anti-bride is typically uncomfortable with this notion because to you it's all about the groom—and the vows the two of you will make.


Couldn't agree more! It's about two people making a life-long commitment.

You let your bridal party decide what to wear. ...You'd rather have your friends wear a dress that they like and that they feel beautiful in.... You may not even have a bridal party at all. You may simply have your sister stand by your side.


Done and done - told my sister to pick out whatever dress she wants, just as long as it's not white. Mike's best man is wearing whatever outfit he wants. 

to be continued...