Breathing

Thank you to those you prayed to the apartment gods - Gina has a found a place. A rather spacious place. And ever close place to Brady. Sara I know you really wanted to go to Pitches bar for you birthday, but can we go sooner? It's a half block away! So what was the first thing I noticed? A clean sink. Did you know that dishes belong in a cupboard and not in the sink! Amazing the difference! I will keep you up to date.

Getting my Revenge

I've decided to take revenge on the she-devils that currently reside in this supposedly free apartment. I've decided to actively use dishes and not wash them. Just now I ate some Indian food and drank some milk. Now just imagine in two weeks what that will smell like, some light sour vomit? Oh they are in for a treat. That container of chocolate cookie dough I was eating to soothe my pain the night before - yup that's still sitting there. That's right talk to the mold 'cause the plate ain't gettin' cleaned!

I wish I could light my roommates on fire

So over the past 11 months I've discovered my roommates are deadbeats only through letters and phone calls from the landlord requesting rent. Upon this 11th month I've decided to move the f**k out! Either I'm going back to West Bend or if you know anybody a level above deadbeat that has an extra bedroom let me know. I'm eatting a batch of chocolate cookie dough gone wrong to soothe the pain.

Poll: the eighties

Riding the bus today I saw a very troubling sight: a woman with some extravagent headgear.

If the eighties are coming back should I invest in some scrunchies?

yes or no?

The weekend update: Estrogen

A hormone produced by the ovaries and testes. It stimulates the development of secondary sexual characteristics and induces menstruation in women. Estrogen is important for the maintenance of normal brain function and development of nerve cells.

If Estrogen maintains normal brain function I didn't have enough martinis or environmental testosterone.
This weekend was rather good for me as I didn't overindulged in cocktails or men.

1. Buckhead had a party which we could see our table underneath glasses of pink vodka. I actually became irratated at men on the dance floor and maintain sobriety in order to kung fu fight their ass if they touched my hair one more time.
2. Got some digits.....from a girl : )
3. Met some fabulous ladies at Hotel Metro for martini night (Grandma this is the place we should go!)
4. Caught up with 3 lovely females over changing colored lights and chocolate martinis at the Vucherria.
5. Found out men cry too, right matt?
6. Shopped at a Japanese grocery store to find my new favorite indulgence. A green tea - twinkie cake.
7. The best way to eat sushi is with chopsticks, a glass of wine and two great girl friends.
8. Save a mechanical bull ride a cowboy! Watched my friend ride her heart out on a bull, not Scottie Pippen which would be her first choice. If you lost your copy of Coyote Ugly, you could go to Hogs and Hunneys in Lincoln Park to get your fix, thanks Scott for getting us in. I would had paid the cover at any other bar if I didn't have to wipe the drool from the men checking out girls in miniskirts who is most likely taking some kind of STD medication.
9. Finally won in chess! I think it was the giant size chess pieces at Andoyne that helped me out.
10. Finished watching the movie Ray for the first time and loved it. Absolutely amazing - if you haven't seen it rent it!

I miss football.

Reflection

My close friends and family know that I would rather not have March 18 on the calendar. On that day I forgot about the ordinary and go exploring. Last year I was in Sydney roaming around the city making believing I could build a raft to sail the ocean, this year I was letting the sense of taste and smell wrap around fermented grapes. Know if March 18 didn't happen four years ago I have no idea where I would be. I doubt I would have been in Australia when I was or tasting wines with a good friend. Life has much to do with the people you connect with. Each connection leads us to different places emotionally and physically. So thank you to all the people that have moved me. I hope I have at least moved one person closer happiness.

The extended weekend update: After Charlotte

After a 4 day weekend there has to be a list.

1.Thursday night headed to Buckhead with my girl friend from Appleton who will remain nameless but if you know her, you've probably received several phone calls from her around 2am. Oh yeah we started with $2 martinis.
2. After expending little cash over much gin we wanted to dance and of course the place to do that is JoCats.
3. I didn't know how many dances could be done on the floor of Jo Cats till I saw it in action.
4. It might be a good idea to leave credit cards at home, because once you start trying to pay with your driver's license or are found swiping the ATM machine with one you know it is time to go home. (cough cough)
5. Actually woke up with enough time to get on a plane to Charlotte, a St. Patty's day beer was out of the question
6. Arrived with the most beautiful weather. On the drive to our lovely hostess' house little white flowers blew like snow over the car.
7. Had dinner and drinks at a primo hangout of Nascar drivers. I learned that Charlotte was heavily populated by these race car drivers.
8. Some of the other people that hang out at this spot include bald men that suction cans of red bull to their head, boys with bozo like hair that wear jeans hanging off their rear and person in unknown superhero costume.
9. Saturday was brilliant. We drove through the country to 4 wineries tasting about 40+ wines
10. Childress winery was opened by some famous person associated with racing. My favorite was the wine whose description included "great for drinking on the porch" my least favorite was the wine served with "wild game"
11. Raylen winery had my favorite wine, a Yadkin Gold and my new favorite dessert. Chocolate covered Category 5 (a type of red wine).
12. Westbend winery had a sweet elderly gentlemen serving us more than the usual. I told the employees I grew up in West Bend, WI and they were astonished. They said they have received many phone calls concerning kitchen appliances.
13. RagApple winery was my least favorite or maybe I had already tried too many wines by this point.
14. Saturday night off to dinner at an adult arcade. Put me in front of the skee ball and I was set.
15. Went to a very classy establishment named BAR Charlotte. I forgot to pack my mini skirt and g-string so I didn't fit in.
16. Witnessed various activities which I felt I should have paid for via a porn video or strip club, these included pole dancing, pole dancing with sailors, bar dancing with short skirts, riding the giant swing above the bar, bull riding where butt checks were shaking and too many pink g-strings.
17. For amusement purposes of my group I decided to dance with a Mr. Preppie Blue Shirt. He had this dance move which I named a cross between riding a horse and working on the elliptical at a 45 degree angle. I thought of my Grandma's advice and decided not to go home with the talented boy.
18. After a long restful sleep the girls got our shopping on.
19. Had a relaxing dinner party with there were true southern accents, adorable babies and good food.
20. I can't believe it's Monday and that I've finished my box of chocolate covered wine!

I can't date my drug dealers anymore

My grandma on my mom's side who I love so dearly for her sensibility wrote me a letter with some words of advice to my sister and I.

"I pray that you girls can meet up with someone of interest that can turn your life around and make yous happy. You are going to have to get into things of interest to meet up with guys, but not bars & drinking & drugs. There must be places you can join and I always say church, but you don't believe.

From the letter you can see my sister (Danielle) are very unhappy and all we do is drown ourselves in toxins. So for all you that want us to quit with the needles and join the nunnery it will be a long run but if there is a God at the end of the tunnel it might be worth it. He will be my new man.

p.s. Sorry to hear you losing your purse. I lost a nice new swimming cap"

Boy Scout Services for Sale

Upon consuming half a box of girl scout cookies in less than a day I've decided that boy scouts should offer something to the vast population of the United States. They could go door to door with premaid checklists of activities for the same price as a box of girl scout cookies. So America ( minus boy perverts) we have a young lad ready to do some chores. Here's a list, feel free to add on.

1. Taking out the garbage, sanatizing the cans with scent of choice (boys will be equipped)
2. Cleaning the garage, waxing the car, changing your car's oil
3. Washing the windows, there should be birds trying to fly in soon after (boys will be able to care for bird after contact)
4. Scrubbing the floor, wood floors should smell like the redwood forest, ceramic should be spotless without the elderly falling
5. Organize your dvd, cd, vhs collection. Please remove your porn before scout comes
6. Full clean out of the fridge, do the grocery shopping and make a nice dinner
7. Feeding of your dog Toto, take it for a walk, wash and dry
8. Teaching you how to work all the appliances you don't know how to use, like the cappacino machine that is sitting in a cabinent.
9. Shinning all your shoes and optimizing them for most comfort
10. Doing of taxes with the most refund back

Day Four: No Money or ID

I was going to call this Day Four: Marriage proposal but the no money and no id kinda takes the cake. So come time to leave the bar (after taking shots of dirty girl scouts) I saw goodbye to my new friends and stumble into a cab. Next thing I know it's 8am and I haven't changed clothes. So I do my usual check of things. Laptop check, room key check, purse - hmmmmm...Where is my purse?

How does this work? I have no cash besides the $9 I found in my back pocket, no standard ID and no cellphone. Did I drop it, Did I leave it in the cab, Did someone steal it? Ugh - so many questions. I'm very good about not freaking out so I didn't - It's just things and I guess if worse comes to worse I could get some Mircrosoft guy to marry me and give me an allowance every week.

So I spent the day at the conference - which this day was quiet excellent in terms of speakers. The flash film festival took place at night and was an enjoyment. In the meantime I spent too much time getting faxed copies of my ID and collecting cash from Western Union. It was on my way to Western Union that I got the line "Hey gorgeous will you marry me?"
The sun was setting, it was romantic except that I've never met the guy and he had a voice box from smoking to much. My first marriage proposal I had to turn down. I hope it doesn't bring bad karma.

Yes so after chatting to Lynda of Lynda.com I headed back to the hostel to grab my suitcase and take a stab at getting through airport security. As soon as I walk in the people behind the desk look like they have seen a ghost. Guess what they have. Yes my purse. Second floor women's bathroom had my purse. At least I was a semi-smart drinker and didn't leave it in the cab. Me and my purse frolliced to the airport.

Day Three: Dirty Dirty Girl Scouts

I did spend most of the day hiding from creepy guy #1. On my schedule shopping was in session for the afternoon workshops. I took my new fun friend from Berkely over to Anthropologie. She had never been! I don't know what was more exciting for her, the store or the conference. The rest of the day was workshops, workshops and more workshops. I don't know if the evening was the upswing or downswing. Free booze + Gina hasn't had a drink in awhile = danger. The creepy guy ended up finding me and I just had to shake him off. So me and a couple other locals dragged our bags to Capital Hill. I'd say I was quiet impressive with my beer drinking skills. Then we made our way up street to a place called the garage to play some shuffle board. They have a nasty drink called the greyhound - organce juice and gin. Nasty very nasty. So I thought I was classy with my vodka drinks until I decided shots would be good. More to come......