seeking refuge

I've been somewhat hiding from posting anything. I've been conflicted.

Since then I've taken a big, (30+ people big) vacation up to Door County for Grandma's birthday. Besides wearing colored coded shirts it turned out well. The bF came up and suprisingly wasn't scared by my 6ft tall family on beer. The best part of the whole trip was at 2:00am when we decided to go for a walk because we couldn't sleep. We walked around in our sweats looking up at stars - just talking and fantasizing when two strangers come towards us stumbling and stuttering "Wheressss thhheee lexussssess weee neeeeed toooo geeeeeeet baaaack! to the harboooor" Nina and her brother-in-law, our new midnight friends, closed the resort bar and now need to get back to the "harbor", their lodge. We point them in the direction where they have to walk through 3 ft of woods. We it looks like the brother in law just about reaches the other side he falls, which results in a bit of blood running from his forehead down to his nose. Nina thinks this is absolutely hilarious and falls backward. They were going to back it back by themselves. So I grab the brother in law and the bF grabs Nina. The brother in law I'll call him bill is about 50, short and stalking, hair somewhat gray and in convinced we came to his brothers Italian resturaunt. "Surrree I saw you and your huuuuuusband. I'm suuuure of it!" I went along with him as to not cause any disagreement. Nina was this petite woman clad in expensive jewelry. I found out later that her husband was off in china. We finally made it to there lodge. Now Nina and Bill where are your keys to get into the building?
Bill: "Nina I gave you the f*cking keys! check your purse nina! Nina I'm freezing my balls off! Nina where's the f*cking key!"
Nina (now sitting, head at a 45 degree angle to the side and drooling from the corners of her mouth) I told you I don't have the key
My bF takes off running towards the main office to get a security which leaves me some quality time with bill and nina. Bill is now swaying and I have to put my arm around him so he doesn't fall over. Both think we are excellent people for helping them back and invite us in for a cocktail. Bill wants to give me some peanuts he found in his jacket. Finally a golf cart bounces through the woods with room key on board. Bill runs in and thanks the security guard because he "was freezing his balls off"

What an interesting way to end the evening. We slept very well and hope nina and bill were able to locate some aspirin in the morning.

Last weekend I spent with my sister my good friends carrie and sara and road trip to Oconomowoc to see the Love Monkeys at coconut Joe's. Ladies - if you want to here some good pickup lines this is the place to go.
- I accidentally bumped in a guy which he explains that this isn't a pickup line but I have the softest skin. I told him all women have soft skin - especially babies.
- A guy who my sister had pointed out that she gave him her number came up to me after and started sizing me up at which I stopped him and asked him " hey didn't my sister just give you her number?"
- A girl and behalf of some guy came up to me and said I should really say hi to this guy at the bar because he thinks I'm just amazing.
- A gentleman about 40 walked right up to me shook his head and said" If only I was 10 years younger" and walked away.
- A group of guys that look about 14 going on 15 became our groupies. The look in there eyes so desperately wanted their skinny bodies a chance at manhood.
- My sister threw an older (50year old), regular Love Monkey groupie my way. He told me how gorgeous and had to talk really close to my ear to tell me about the bar he almost bought because it was really loud but then he proceeded to put his mustache and lips on my cheek. (cringe! and proceed to my sister - how dare she!)
- This is the best one. A guy comes up to me at the end of the night and asks why us hotties aren't dancing anymore. Which I explain it is the end of the night and we are going to head home. Then he asks if talking to me is worth his time at which I say yes but if you're under 30 you could talk to my sister. What does he do? Stay and I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me but he explains that he is recently divorced - but it's just legal stuff 'cause you know I just didn't like the relationship and it just ended and it doesn't really matter. come have lunch with my on monday 'cause I don't work.

Good stuff I needed the humor because the rest of the weekend and the week became much serious.

Learning that the man who you fell in love with has changed is causing a huge strain. This is why I haven't been posting. I don't know what to say. I don't know how I feel because it changes from one day to the next. Because my mother passed so quickly I definitely have a fear of losing people and if I can control it then it's not a problem. So when the bF has some medical problems that need to be diagnosed it causes me great worry not only to his condition but to us because it's just not the same. How do I deal with things going from absolutely perfect to not perfect?