Carry that Weight

Carry that weight

I’ve been carry excess baggage around and I want to get rid of it - baggage in the form of resentment.

First, is the person that I thought was my best friend since freshman science. We experienced growing up like brother and sister. The first time I got really hammered I was in his basement. The person he called when his dad left was me. The first person that was at the house when my mom died was him. We would do long Saturdays on the lake followed by a bonfire. And whenever there was a family function for either family the other was always there. Always. And then something happened. I don’t know what but he stopped coming to Milwaukee. He would always call to say he would come for a party, a birthday, a holiday and never showed up. And when I would be in West Bend trying to get together there would be continuous ringing on the other end. We haven’t spoke since the day before my Dad’s wedding. He was scheduled to come and instead of calling me he calls Sara, says he has to repair a roof and I haven’t heard anything since. Surely he would know more people there than most guests so there wouldn’t be a need to feel uncomfortable. But roof repair instead of a wedding? Did I do something or are you on something? I have no idea what happened and that’s what bothers me. We had a closeness that felt like family but now it feels more like another high school buddy that I no longer talk to.

Second, is a spectacular female is hopefully is still reading this because I have not responded to her in months (particularly because I didn’t know how to respond). The sleep-on it mentality has lasted a half-year. It is as if our friendship was as if one was on the other side of the world. Our mentalities, our schedules and perceptions of each other are extremely different. Each of these road blocked attempts of getting together. Married life is very different from single life. Schedules conflicted more than enough and the excuses for not getting together were abundant. The communication cleared died in the frustration of not understanding each other. We just gave up because we thought the other is just someone we didn’t want to be friends with. Clearly after being friends for almost 7 years, helping each other through the best and worst times there is indeed something there. There are times when I know she is the only person to call because I know she can help me through that situation. But I don’t instigate because I am woman hear my roar. I’m learning I cannot do everything by myself. She even knows that I tend not to ask for help. But one day I came down with some sickness where I was puking every hour. I obviously couldn’t go anywhere and had to turn my self in to request help. She came with a care package. And she watched me puke on the sidewalk while traffic went by. But I couldn’t be happier because I couldn’t care for myself. Thank you!

Third, is the result from my last post. If you were on the other end reading about how I felt about a situation someone was involved in, you’d be pissed. Obviously, or not so obviously, I unconditionally love my friends. I hope they know I am there for them and I do hope they know I respect their feelings. So much can get lost in emails and text messages. Here, I am posting on a blog! Miscommunication escalates and we both are unhappy. I’m sorry about what happened on Saturday it is neither of our faults. It was the situation. I’m ready to move on and learn from it. I am not going to lose another friend from it.

Today is Molly’s birthday. None of us can wish her one because she is not here. While I was in Australia she left me comments on here, which have been fun to go back to. She and I had our differences and for awhile we didn’t talk. But somehow things worked themselves out.